Frans and Steve
Frans and Steve met on a blind date set up by a friend. It was 1986 and they were living in Holland. Frans is Indonesian and had been single for a long time. Steve, an American, was teaching at an international school in The Hague and was very lonely.
They were together for 9 years before moving to the US. Frans exclaimed, "I always wanted to live in the US. I can adjust to living anywhere. I have lived in Indonesia, New Guinea, and the Netherlands. Thinking that longevity might matter, they contacted the US ambassador for aid in moving to the US because they had already been together for so many years and had already done the paperwork to be a legal couple in Holland. While she was sympathetic, there was nothing the Ambassador could do to help them. They started to visit the US for part of the year and then return to Holland, where Steve owned property. They went back and forth a number of times but then began to get questioned every time they entered the US. So they contacted an international lawyer and the Gay and Lesbian Task Force for assistance. They really wanted to "play by the rules" in moving to the States. Eventually they were able to move to the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. Frans got a green card and was recently granted citizenship. With tears in his eyes, he told me, "I never thought I would have the possibility to live here. I'm free. I can do whatever I want and HE (pointing to Steve) made it possible."
Steve knew nothing about gay life when he was growing up. "He didn't know that gay existed, didn't have any concept that he was gay." Eventually, a few years after college, he met a woman and married her. They had two sons. "We had a happy family but I felt empty. But then a member of my wife's family seduced me and he told me about gay life. I knew immediately I was gay." It was 1961. Steve began to read everything he could about gay life, he got involved with the anti-war movement. He moved his family to Europe, where he lived a double life of having casual illicit sex with strangers and then going home to his family. He considered suicide a few times.
In 1973 he told his wife that he was gay."I offered to move but she didn't want me to. She was so emotional. I hid all the knives in the house. But then she got over the shock. We got to the point where we could talk. She said she didn't want me to leave. We agreed to stay together until my youngest son finished college. So we lived together for 10 years as a straight American couple in The Hague." Finally, Steve insisted that he needed to have a lover because it was "too dangerous to have casual sex." It was the 80's and AIDS was rearing its ugly head. He and his wife finally separated and divorced.
Eventually, Steve met Frans and began the relationship that fuels his love to this day.
The couple is even now friends with Gladys, Steve's former wife, who sometimes comes to visit them in the Poconos. He is close with his sons and teared up when he told how happy he is that his grandchildren want to come visit them. Their first visit was a bit uncertain, however, and the son made reservations for his family to stay at a nearby hotel, with the explanation that they wanted to be able to use the pool. Steve's granddaughter, Karson, was about 10 at the time. He recalled how taken aback he was when she asked, "Grandpa, do you and Frans sleep together?" Hesitantly, he said, "Yes." She then asked, "How many bedrooms do you have?" He replied, "three." And then with all of the innocence and acceptance of a child she asked, "Then why are we staying in a motel?"
Steve welled up with tears as he said, "so the parents went to the hotel and the two girls stayed here."