Paul and Jeff
Paul Katami and Jeff Zarrillo have been together for 13 years, but the last 5 have been quite a journey. They were one of the two plaintiff couples in the case that essentially defeated California's Proposition 8 in the U.S. Supreme Court, finally restoring marriage equality to the state.
In 2009, the National Organization for Marriage (NOM) launched a campaign against gay marriage with a 60 second ad entitled "Gathering Storm," in which hired actors voiced their fears about the rights of homosexuals to marry. In response, Paul Katami and Jeff Zarrillo created their own video, with a structure similar to the NOM ad, calling it "Weathering the Storm." The couple used real people, telling real stories to counter all of the lies and misrepresentations of the NOM ad. A participant in the film happened to be a friend of Chad Griffin, then Board President of the American Foundation for Equal Rights and currently the President of the Human Rights Campaign. They needed a male couple in a committed relationship, living in California to be co-plaintiffs in a lawsuit against Proposition 8 and in support of marriage equality.
And so it began. Paul and Jeff, two handsome young men, deeply in love, with big smiles became the hope of California to bring marriage equality to the state. "There was never supposed to be a trial," they remember. It was all supposed to be handled through briefings. But when the judge decided on a trial, they knew their world would be rocked. Uncertain of what the future would bring with such a huge responsibility on their shoulders, Paul and Jeff recognized the importance of what they were about to do. The next five years thrust them into the public eye as they "weathered the storm" of litigation culminating in a victory in the hallowed halls of the U.S. Supreme Court. They sacrificed all of their vacation time and more to be present in court and at events surrounding the case. Fortunately, they both worked for supportive companies and supervisors who understood their mission and need for time away from work.
They are now heroes of the LGBTQ community, but this is certainly not what defines their relationship. The pressure of their lawsuit was a formidable force in their lives, but Paul and Jeff stayed the course. The strength of their love and their ability to communicate helps to get them through the tough times. They have a sound agreement to NEVER go to bed angry. "If we have a disagreement, it goes away when the lights go out."
Paul and Jeff love to laugh and they laugh a lot. "Keeping the relationship fun, fresh, and full of laughter is a key" to their success. They have a tradition of taking one day off each week that they spend together and another that they each spend individually taking care of personal needs. On their day off together, they love to go to breakfast and maybe work in some shopping. They also make sure to take care of their bodies and their health. Paul, previously with Equinox Fitness, is a fitness expert and entrepreneur and recently launched his own workout program Katami 4X4. Jeff is as steadfast in his job as he is in his relationship. He has worked for only one company, AMC Theaters, for 25 years and is now the General Manager of the "busiest theater in the West."
Both men claim to be better people because of their partner. Jeff says, "I was in the closet when we met and I feel like since we've been together, I'm my true self." Paul says, "I am with Jeff because for the first time in my life I know I can be 100% myself with him as my partner. Jeff brings out the best in me in so many ways and our friendship is the foundation of our love. When you meet the person that you know in your heart is the one for you it's easy to commit and want to spend the rest of your life with that person."
2013 was an exhilarating year for the couple. Being at the U.S. Supreme Court for arguments and their landmark decision was an honor that they do not take for granted.
Through the fight, they learned that "apart we are strong individuals but together we can face down anything...like a discriminatory law...and WIN." They say that through the process of fighting Proposition 8, their love and commitment grew even deeper. Every day of those five years they were reminded of what they could not have....a love, a marriage that was recognized by law...and that fortified their determination.
They devoted five years of their lives to fighting for a better country, a better world. They have vowed to "continue to use their voice in ways that move us forward" and to make a difference through their story. There are still many states where gay marriage is forbidden. After the Supreme Court decision, the California courts lifted their stay on same-sex marriages and Paul and Jeff were able to be legally wed on the anniversary of the Stonewall riots.